The adventures of Goofy Gaurav

Prologue

What can we say about Gaurav?

First of, there can never be a person who would have come across Gaurav and have forgotten him entirely. Well, how could they? It is not every day one gets to meet a character as definable as Gaurav Guha.

Gaurav is not the regular Joe one would expect to meet. Though he has a heart of pure gold and has the best intentions for everyone around him, his brain is made of anything but gold; probably God, while creating him, forgot to add some grey-matter inside the thick and heavy skull of his. Legends would have it that Gaurav was born on a new moon night in the month of May, 1991. My best guess would be that he must have farted as the nurse slapped his tiny buttocks, expecting him to cry.

The first time I met Gaurav was at my school in Shimla. I still remember him sitting at the long brown dining table in our long and wide dining hall. On Sunday mornings, we had special breakfast every Sundays. The special breakfast menu would comprise of smoky chicken Sausages, Cheese omelettes, Potato Wedges and Bread Rolls stuffed with potato filling, along with buttered bread and cornflakes. There were condiments like tomato ketchup and chilli sauce which were also provided to us to make the bland omelettes taste better.

On one such morning, when breakfast was served, Gaurav wanted to pour some ketchup on his plate. He squeezed the red plastic bottle, but nothing came out. Then he shook the bottle up and down- still nothing. He even tapped the rear end of the bottle, but without any result. The entire table became silent spectators to whatever was happening, and soon all of them burst out laughing. One of them called out to Gaurav to relive him of his miseries, and said, “Bro! You know that you need to open the cap of the bottle right?”

Gaurav finally realized the reason why the ketchup wouldn’t come out. He scratched his head and replied, “Oh! Yeah.” Saying this, he laughed at his folly and thanked that classmate.

Chapter 1: Aditya’s Engagement- Morning Drama

So how does a man like Gaurav evolve five years down the line? He becomes less of the absent minded personality that he used to be, but becomes goofier now.

It was his best friend, Aditya’s engagement day.

I had spent the day running around, doing some chores with Gaurav. The morning was quite amusing. We had been travelling up an elevator with an elderly man and a disabled boy on a wheel chair along with his help. Gaurav was standing close to the door of the elevator. As the elevator reached the sixth floor, the disabled boy and his help wanted to get off. So Gaurav got out of the elevator only to realize that the elevator had stopped slightly below the level of the floor. Being the person Gaurav was, he surely wanted to be of some help. He tried to become the hero he had always wanted to be- Gaurav, the saviour. So, to assist the helper, he held both the handles of the wheelchair and pulled it fiercely so that the tyre could cross over the obstacle. But, to his surprise, the wheelchair stayed put and it were the handles which came off from the wheelchair. He stood there alarmed with his mouth open-wide enough to swallow a fly; with the two handles in his hands, not knowing how to react over what had happened. The disabled boy was equally stunned. I was almost certain that I saw a drop of sweat roll down Gaurav’s forehead.

I could not help but laugh at the whole episode. The old man in the lift burst out laughing as well. Taking full control of the situation, the helper smiled wryly and said, “Don’t worry, the handles are detachable. Let me help you with it”.

Chapter 2: Amit’s Engagement- Evening Goof up.

The Gods had been playing some sort of malicious games with Gaurav that day. It was as though the lift incident was not enough for one day, Gaurav had to make a fool of himself in the evening as well.

It was a big night for Amit. He was getting engaged to a woman who we all despised. But, as long as Amit was happy with his decision, there was nothing much left to say.

Gaurav was deemed the best man for Amit, doing all the things that the best man is entitled to do at Indian weddings and engagements. The afternoon had sailed over smoothly, and it was finally the ring ceremony. The priest had been reciting the mantras and verses for the couple’s well being, but they were completely clueless about whatever was being recited; that is the thing about rituals, it never makes much sense.

As soon as the verses were over, it was time for the ring exchange. Amit’s father, a proud man that night, handed over the rings to the best man. The job entrusted upon Gaurav was merely to hand over the rings to the couple. That is where the best man stood out. He handed over the rings to the couple with immense pride. It was the fiancée’s turn first to slide up the ring on Amit’s finger. But, the wretched ring refused to enter. Sainee, the fiancée, tried removing the solitaire ring and pushing it up harder on Amit’s ring finger. This was an equally futile attempt. Was the ring smaller in size? He introspected.

Seeing this, Amit tried to bring the situation under control, and chose to put the ring on Sainee’s finger instead. To his surprise, the ring happened to be oversized. Then it dawned upon him that Gaurav had mixed up the rings.  

Gaurav being the mindless buffoon he was, ended up creating a great deal of ruckus. But then as Amit would always say, ‘If something goes wrong in the beginning of a new relationship, that relationship would last forever!”. I only hope that it is as true as his philosophy goes; after all, he is got engaged to Sainee of all women.